Perhaps one of the problems I was unconsciously facing before was my lack of self-trust. When I entered CalSci, I was the one who worries most if I was going to make it. During periodical exams, I always expect myself to fail. During contests, more often than not, I didn’t hope in winning. During senior year, I have even doubted in graduating.
Judging by that, you can easily say how much of a pessimist I am. But actually, no. I worry at making it through CalSci because I have a smarter cousin who didn’t make it at Pisay. I expect myself to fail at exams because I have little time to study and they were always difficult. I didn’t hope in winning because unity and participation had always been a problem between the group. And I have doubted in graduating because I totally sucked in Advanced Chemistry.
I’m more of a realist, I think. However during cases when I immensely turn to a pessimist, I use it positively. How? by turning my thoughts to motivation (and stress, lol).
I have always been vocal with my feelings. When I’m stressed, sad, happy or angry, you’ll know it. And I greatly appreciate it whenever friends and family inspire me by saying that they “believe in me”. It makes my heart warm and happy. But now, I realized, I never told myself that. I never trusted my own abilities. I always think how highly people expect of me, and with that, I was never contented.
It’s sad. Yes. But then I believe it’s time to try. My senior buddy and I exchanged gifts yesterday and the bookmark she gave me struck deeply through my chest.
Despite the mediocre editing skills (lol), this is the best example where you can say that the it’s really the thought that counts :) It hit me, big time.
With this, I now have something to remind me to believe in myself too.
I’ll get there. I’ll do my best.
So I have two exams, a paper and PE to deal with tomorrow. If I don’t live to see another day you now know why.
Sure, you have a family that provides for your needs. You have friends that you can rely on. You have classmates that help you through the day. You have relatives that care for you. There’s billions of people out there other than you.
But in the end, there’s nobody you can really depend on but yourself. Think about it.
I’m just glad that I have established good friendships with my high school batchmates that made it to nice universities. I’m going to need their school’s libraries. Mine’s incomplete as this sent—
"Let’s keep marriages sacred, love your partner until your last breath. Oppose same-sex marriage. Do not support partners who just lives-in together. You have no right to call yourself a Catholic otherwise."
I just got home from mass, and the (non verbatim) statement above came from the priest during his homily. This is what’s wrong with my religion. There are more people who limit their thinking to the scopes of a book written thousands of years ago compared to those who keep their rationality.
Let’s see, say if I currently am a woman who’s married to a man who beats me every night and shames me in front of people, or drinks on regular basis and throws our money away in gambling, shall I still give myself to him? Shall I not fight back whenever he wants to beat me up? Shall I not reprimand him of his unjust doings? Well Catholicism says yes. I tied myself to this man in marriage thus I have no right to separate myself from this person even if he suddenly transforms to this sadistic alcoholic unfaithful gambler. Until my last breath.
This doesn’t make marriage sacred, but rather an irreversible decision that you have to live with no matter what given circumstances.
Every priest will tell you that no matter what clothes you wear, what educational background you have, what your social status is, God will not judge. God does not look externally but what’s inside that matters. But if you ask Catholics what do they think about gays, they’d most likely say they’re sinful for being gay. Even if a person who’s gay has a kinder and more giving heart than a person who’s straight, priests and nuns would point the straight one as the better role model. Catholicism, everybody.
Also if there are couples who lives with each other under the same roof without the blessing of the Lord, they are sinful. No need to ask why. Catholics keep in mind that it’s just because they are.
Just as any belief has their imperfections, my religion has its flaws. However I still keep my faith because it isn’t the supreme being that alters its believers’ minds just to feed his ego or whatnot, but the preachers. And it makes me sad how there are people unheard, excluded from society, and afraid to come out of their own shell because people (Catholics, in general) will think of them wrongly.
Hi ate. I've read your blog about basketball and it was great! I have no words to say, you are incredibly awesome! Basketball fan here :D
Thank you deary! Amagash who are you talk to me we can be besties :D
Oh you know, these are just four different photos of me spamming up your quiet evening. Haha!
Random fact: Friends of mine who own phones with front cams must have at least a dozen of greighfies in their galleries.
I’m vain like that.
I’ve been spending quite some time alone. And my soul is weeping for too much stress which I don’t really know where they’re from. All I know is that I’m drained, weary, and lost.
I’m trying, though. I try every waking day to keep myself together and face whatever shit the world has in store for me. I try to live, and be alive.
But more than anything, I’ve missed taking photos.